For the last month I have been completely off with every aspect of my life. Between the stress of a family emergency, trying to make it to as many of my son's senior football games as possible, a new full time job, being a coach AND a challenger, I have become completely overwhelmed. I have let my family down and I have let myself down.
I 
was having difficulties sleeping, with so much to do every day, my mind just didn't want to shut down for the night. Of course, this just made matters worse. I mean, with everything I had on my plate getting 2-4 hours of sleep a night was not a big help, know what I mean?
was having difficulties sleeping, with so much to do every day, my mind just didn't want to shut down for the night. Of course, this just made matters worse. I mean, with everything I had on my plate getting 2-4 hours of sleep a night was not a big help, know what I mean?
I spent a week in Boston due to a family emergency, that pretty much scrambled what was left of my brain.
I did not want to post about any of this because I didn't want you to think I was coming up with excuses. Maybe they are excuses and if so that is something that I need to work on, but right now I am struggling and I know that it is time for a change.
I keep telling everyone that you can't take care of anyone else if you don't put on your oxygen mask first....well I really need to start taking some of my own advice.
As I was sitting on my couch sobbing for the fourth night in a row, I received a message from my coach Amanda. This beautiful woman said that I had been on her mind a lot today and she wanted to reach out. I finally told her about my struggles and how I had pretty much given up. Yup, you heard me...I had given up.
I have not worked out since October 13th. My eating has been non existent. With my job I work 7 hours with two 15 minute breaks, so I really don't eat the way I have in the past. My clean eating has gone down the drain. I am lucky if I have one meal and it is usually the quickest I can find, not too healthy I assure you. I survive in the day by eating a one of a kind bar during each break with one 16 oz bottle of water a day.
I haven't been doing any training or listening to any of my team calls. Why? Because I didn't want to admit to anyone that I was struggling to the point of failing.
I had made a commitment to doing Insanity Asylum this month. After four workouts I knew that this was not going to be a possibility. My body just can't handle it. Every time I work out it bothers my knee. I have 1/8 of my acl in my left knee and when it pops, and the doc says it will at some point in my life, I will need to have surgery. After I workout my knee hurts so much that it has been scaring me. I have been afraid to push myself because I am scared of getting hurt. So what was my solution? Instead of being honest and saying that I couldn't do it, and picking something that I am able to do...I gave up completely. I just stopped working out. :(
I even stopped drinking my Shakeology each day because I figured if I wasn't following through with the workouts that it was just wasting my money. I guess I am an all in or all out kind of gal.
After talking to my coach tonight, I decided that things really needed to change. I am going to go back to being a challenger and taking care of me. I need to go back to he beginning and remember what it is that I love most about being a coach, working out, eating healthy....ALL of it! This doesn't mean that I am not going to be a coach. I am not giving up that, I promise. It just means that I have to start taking care of myself so that I can help you take care of you.
I am not going to be doing Insanity Asylum, like I said my knee and ankles just can't handle that. I am going back to one of my first loves...PIYO. Chalene is just what this girl needs right now. Her positive attitude, her style of training is right up my alley and is exactly what I need to find my why again. To find my love again. To find my happiness again. To find me again!
I am going to take that step back, focus on my journey and sharing it with you, back to drinking Shakeology every morning and reading some personal development to help me fall in love with all of this again. This exhausted over stressed woman needs to take some of the pressure that I have been putting on me and find out how to get rid of some of my stress. I will never be stress free but a little less stress would be great.;)
I am going to take time to take care of my family and my home again. AND I am joining a group in November (where I am just a challenger, not a coach) for women who sabotage their efforts.
So there it is, my secret is out. I am going to post my journey daily for accountability. Are you ready? I don't know about you but sure am! <3
With each sunrise we are given a chance for a new beginning...mine starts tomorrow. It's not an ending but a beginning. Here is to a fresh start.
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